Break
I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long. I just really haven’t felt like writing as of late to be honest.
However, I will return within the next few days.
Thank you to all those who sent me emails wondering if I’ve died.
I haven’t.
Memo to All Lahore Based PPP Sycophants (Zardari Kay Chukoo)
First of all, let me thank you for your immense efforts to make our city more beautiful. There is nothing more pleasing to the eye than a smorgasbord of red, black and green banners every-fucking-where you go. I also see that you guys went through painstaking efforts to put in pictures of President Zardari on these banners as well. Again, it’s heartwarming to see the President’s teeth at every major intersection in the city. It’s also very heartwarming to see that you didn’t forget the previous leaders of our country, namely Mrs. Zardari and Mr. Bhutto Sr. Most excellent I say. Most. Excellent.
Secondly, I fail to understand why you, the chukoos, also include your picture on these banners. Surely you don’t think the president will actually notice your picture over his own or the late Mrs. Zardari who’s picture he carries around everywhere anyway.
You guys really should have thought this one out. Now your thought process probably told you that His Highness Zardari Sb will be bored in the car while he’s waiting at the intersection on Mall Road and he’ll read the banners and whatnot to bide his time. In reality, the whole city’s traffic is going to be stopped just so His Excellency can pass rip through Mall Road at about 140 KM/H in his Mercedes that has windows blacker than his money.
Chances of The Big Z actually noticing your self-promoting advertisement: 0.5%. That’s a solid 9.5% less than what he’s going to take from you business boys anyway. Hey, at least you tried right?
Next time, just send him a text message:
“Wlcme 2 Lhr Zrdri Sb. Nething u wnt plz call 2 me. Frm Shaukat Tareen. JIYE BHUTTOZ!”
COLOURS!
The comments thread is open for all the girls!
TELL ME YOUR COLOUR!
(If you don’t know what I’m talking about, log on to facebook and check out the status updates)
Highlights from New Year’s Eve
1) I asked a girl I’d JUST met out on a date. Got rejected. Apparently I’m not allowed to do be so forward.
2) Between me and AK, we lost two bottles of alcohol.
3) I ran into another blogger at this awesome party. Quite random.
4) MI was found driving with his door open. He was also puking at the same time.
5) RMF ended up an hour away from Lahore sleeping in his car. His car was in a small ditch. He’d also lost his phone.
6) Number of glasses broken : 20 (atleast)
7) Number of times AK said hi to me even though we came to the party together : 4
8 ) A hot girl cuddled with MI while he was passed out. MI was told about this the next day. He cried.
Most Memorable Moment: My boys and I trying to sing along to “I Gotta Feeling” at the top of our lungs even though the song finished two minutes ago.
Best New Year’s Eve EVER.
Baby Don’t Hurt Meeee…No Moree
I find myself wondering about a certain hypothetical situation sometimes. It involves my ex. An ex that I’ve never written about here even though I was going out with her longer than I’ve gone out with anyone else. I loved her more than any other woman that I’ve been with as well. We went out for about two years after which she did something that killed me. Something I vowed never to forgive her for.
Fast forward to present day (about two years later) and we talk on a semi-regular basis now. I have perfectly normal conversations with her including some that extend over multiple hours. I tell myself that I still haven’t forgiven her for what she did to me. I tell myself that I will never actually trust her again. However, I wonder how much weight my feelings really have considering I we are friends now and I never let her know how I still think about what happened.
Thoughts like these made me wonder what it would be like if I did “forgive” her. Would I be able to think of her differently? Would I be able to be in a relationship with her again? Do I even want to be in a relationship with her again? Sadly, I don’t have answers to any of these questions.
However, I DID want feedback from you guys about this. Would you go out with an ex again after they have really wronged you in some way? I’m sure there are people who have been through this. What were your experiences?
Do tell.
“Relationship with my cousin, Farah” (Guest Post by Bubbles)
I’ve known her for as long as I could remember. She’s 5 years older than me. An orphan, raised by her stepmother, who is also her grandmothers sister. They stay at our house about half the year, and I love it when they are there. She’s my playmate, my older sister. We play games, we talk. I discuss my day to day shit with her, she tells me about her life. We share cigarrettes. She’s beautiful in that village chic kind of way. Doesn’t speak much english, but she’s fairly smart, and perpetually depressed. Life hasn’t been kind to her. I’m good to her in a way no ones ever been, my childish innocence is mistaken for wisdom. Perhaps not a mistake. I’m 14, sleeping on a matress on the floor. Anu Massi is snoring away. Farah gets out of bed and quitely makes her way over to mine. I move over to give her room and she crawls under the covers with me. We are face to face, close enough that I feel her breath, and if we inhale at the same time, I can feel her breasts pressed against my chest. Whispered:
“There’s someone I’m in love with. You’ll never guess who it is?”
My heart sinks a little bit. I think she means me, but I hope it isn’t.
“Who is it?”
She makes me guess for a while, and with evey name I say, she tells me he lives closer than that. As the list winds down, I try to control the urge to get out of there. I love her, but not like that, and I’m afraid I’m too young to handle this with any sort of tact. Finally:
“It’s you. It’s always been you. You’ve been so good to me, you’ve shown me so much love. I’m only happy when I’m with you. I know you think of me like a sister, and I don’t think this is going to go any further. But I had to tell you.”
I don’t say anything for a while. Then:
“I love you like a sister…”
“I know.”
She caresses the side of my face and move’s closer, the tips of our noses almost touching, and she puts one of her legs through mine. We are awake for quite a while, she’s caressing my face, and I rest my hand on the side of her stomach. My thoughts are all over the place, I can’t comprehend how it got to where it is, but finally I fall asleep. I wake up later, she’s back in her own bed. Shits complicated. Best to pretend it never happened. It’s never mentioned explicitly again, but it’s always there below the surface after that.
Why I Haven’t Met Your Mother / Father Yet*
*Title credit goes to Sharbet
In case you’re not entirely sure of what this post is about, please refer to the comments in my last post.
If you’re lazy, I’ll just give you the gist of it: We, the bloggers, want to write about sex.
I have no idea as to what exactly we could write about or how we should go about doing it. I want to hear your ideas about this and then flesh out a plan.
Consider this an open thread.
“My boyfriend doesn’t mind when I cheat on him”
Seriously, how do you turn down someone after that line?
It was more than obvious to me and everyone around us that BP and I had some chemistry. We’d randomly walk off into corners while talking without realizing where the rest of the group trailed off. She would link her arm into mine as we would head off for lunch alone. People would tease us and we would laugh it off. This was just day one of the three day long back and forth tease-fest.
Day two was busy. She was doing girly weddingy stuff while I was spending some quality time with the boys. I would run into her every few hours and I’d be greeted by a gleeful “Whereee have you beeeeeeeeeeeen?”. We spent some time in girls’ suite with everyone that night. She would dose off periodically with her head resting on my shoulder. RP would look at me and smile. I’d just shake my head and mouth a big “NO”.
Day three was interesting. We had breakfast lunch and dinner together. After dinner she invited me to come over to her room because she finally found some hash. I told her I might come but I hung around with my friends instead. Around 3 AM, everyone was going off to their rooms to pass out. I went to my room, watched tv for five minutes and walked back out. I made sure the hallway was empty and then made my way over two doors down and knocked on BP’s door. I heard her fumbling out of bed and walking over to the door.
“Is there any hash left over?”, I asked when she opened the door.
She smiled, shook her head and then pulled me in by my arm, “Come chill, have a cigarette”
So we chilled. And we watched parts of The Astronaut Farmer. And we smoked. During this time, I’d made my way from the chair to the foot of her bed to lying next to her.
Then we fooled around like we were kids. We gave each other shoulder massages and tickled each other. Hands brushed against body parts that aren’t usually touched in public.
And then it was around 5 AM. I thought about what I wanted. She was not on the list.
I hugged her goodbye. An awkwardly long hug. Then I walked back to my room and passed out.
I woke up on day four with one thought in my mind : “what the fuck was that?”
